There are those words that, when you see them in a vacancy, immediately take away the desire to apply. Words with a double meaning, words that conceal, but above all many, many empty clichés. We all know them. In fact, when I asked about it on Twitter, I got so many responses that I just listed them here. Super handy if you are just writing vacancies in this tight labor market. Yes right? Are they coming. 1 First of all, I would delete ‘appropriate salary’ in vacancies Because how appropriate? For whom? Just like “market-based salary” – that means: nothing special, so leave it out. But also “excellent fringe benefits” – don’t do that anymore. Or tell me which one it is. It is better to add the salary, so that everyone knows what is being offered. 2 We no longer want to see insects in vacancies – ew Thus the “centipedes,” the “caterpillars that become butterflies,” “the spiders in the web.” But also larger animals such as ‘tigers’ (how come tigers and not lions?) and of course the eternal ‘five-legged sheep’. What is that? Usually a headless chicken running around at work, but on five legs, right? Precisely. Nobody wants that. 3 But the ‘hip expensive phone that you get for free’ is also a red flag for many readers It usually means that you have to be available 24 hours a day. Just like ‘dynamic work environment’, ‘stress resistant’, that you are responsible for ‘all other occurring activities’, all vacancies in which you ‘create structure in a hectic department’, hefty challenge” and “knowing how to keep going in a complex organization”. Means you’re in an exploded mess – get out. 4 Also a huge turn off: vacancies with such a wow story about your yawn day at the office The one with: “You come to the office at 8:00 am, grab your first fresh cup of coffee while you get rid of your first rush via email, at 8:15 am you have your first work meeting, at 8:45 the tiem-mieting” – blablabla. Hopefully you can decide for yourself how you organize your day. 5 But also a “flat organisation” and “short lines” Are rarely a recommendation. That means your boss is sitting on your neck all day and getting blamed for everything. When a “winner’s mentality” is asked, it means that people are fighting each other out. 6 Then the ‘fun’ and obligatory fun outings – please don’t, readers think The heath days, ski trips, boot camps, escape rooms . Just like ‘high-level ping-pong during the break and a weekly beer with the management’, of course ‘outside working hours’. ‘After work I want to go home’, not to hang out for hours in the office or in the pub, wrote readers. 7 Ping pong tables are always a bad sign That means you earn little. In any case, all those hysterical vacancies in which there is sport and running, ‘tjakka’ is shouted and ‘ work hard play hard ‘. You’re already tired when you take them off. “Give me a chill work environment, overtime pay and out-of-hours inaccessibility and we’ll talk!” wrote one reader. I’ll just pass it on. 8 Another Red Flag Is “Self-Starter” haha. Then there is no budget to work you in. Just like “pioneering”, “challenging projects”, “self-managing teams” and “a lot of personal responsibility”. That means nothing is settled, no one is in charge and you have to cut your way through a forest of unwillingness and incompetence all day long with a machete. 9 “You are in control” means that you are responsible, but do not receive the salary that goes with it “An organization in transition” is one where everyone has run away, a bloody reorganization is underway and everyone is very unhappy. If it says that “part-time work is negotiable” you know that you are obliged to come to the office every day. 10 I wouldn’t use the word “humour” anymore either That usually means laughing at stupid gay jokes, getting sexist innuendo, and accepting the idea that women can’t tell jokes, readers wrote. 11 But Most Itchy And Bumps Get People From The Term “No 9-to-5 Mentality” That is synonymous with ‘systematic free overtime’, ‘being available 21 hours a day’ and never free. Just like “flexible”! Duh. If that is stated in a vacancy, people click through blindly. Because what does flexible mean? That you have to clean the boss’s rabbit hutch, that you unclog toilets every day or that you regularly have to answer emails from your boss at 11 o’clock in the evening? You do not know. In that case, readers would rather not apply. I also got an angry reaction – now again! Namely that it’s “nice and easy” to say “clunky” words without coming up with suggestions for improvement, but I thought that was whining. Because everyone already knows how to do it. Namely, that if you explain in a vacancy what you mean by “flexible”, “no 9-to-5 mentality” or all those other clichés above, you can safely use them. But that, as long as they are empty fillers, we will continue to mock them. It may seem that way sometimes, but it’s not all that complicated folks. How was your week? Tips for Japke-d. Bouma via @Japked on Twitter. These were the Pearls on Twitter this week I always set two wake up alarms, one for the person I want to be and one for the person I am — spooky cold fox🎃 (@roastmalone_) September 28, 2022 Thought of @Japked when reading this sentence: To inform all partners within the (…) about this decision and to request, as a form of self-reliance, to help implement the Master Plan and to take the necessary decisions in their own organization. — Suheyla (@SuheylaTunc) September 30, 2022 Help @Japked ! There’s a box of innovative tear-open technology in my house! What now? — Ezra Drost (@somethingtrains) September 30, 2022 Someone is eating an egg sandwich — Laura Bromet 🍀 (@LauraBromet) October 4, 2022 I am severely allergic to Agile, Scrum, Lean and any other “framework” or “methodology”. Because it just doesn’t work and makes everything unnecessarily complex. — Bleddy (@Bleddy81) October 4, 2022 A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of October 5, 2022